I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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