I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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