He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
two words: eviction party
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
