So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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