Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
