I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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