I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
