i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
