On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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