IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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