If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
