i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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