plz talk dirty to me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
