were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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