I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
