this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
