I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
