I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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