I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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