I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
