if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
