DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
