I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
