I wish I could teleport
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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