my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
the raccoons are back...
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