I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he puts the penis in happiness.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
