apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
