toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
