Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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