True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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