Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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