Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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