Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
