I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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