So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
