I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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