I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
