It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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