God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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