Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
