Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
