By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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