I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
