dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
