My room smells like vodka and shame
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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