I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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