He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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