I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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