True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
