Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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