Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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