but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
