It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
