I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I AM VODKA MAN
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
