She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
