Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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