I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
