I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize