Don't you send me to vm
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
