yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
