3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
