There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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