even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
no you cant smoke seaweed
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
