You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize