Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
