I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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