sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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