Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
