this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
