Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So vagazzling was a success
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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